RELATIONSHIPS IT'S ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS!
In the arena that I operate in, building relationships with people is the key to everything we do. Case managers must be able to relate well to children and teens so that they will listen to them about the changes they may need to make. Therapists must be able to establish rapport with young people so that they will share sensitive and emotion-laden information about their pasts. That needs to occur before any therapeutic work can be done. Foster parents (often total strangers to a child/teen) must be able to get them to relax and settle in so they can get down to the business of working on the issues that need to be addressed. Our home visitors need to be willing to enter an individual’s home, their personal space, and quickly establish an atmosphere of interest, comfort and assistance so they can be welcomed back to do their job of helping those who are in need.
The business world is no different. Salespeople need to establish a relationship with a buyer in order to sell their products. CEOs of differing companies need to network and get along to further each other’s agendas.
We will watch a movie when we have developed an interest in what happens to the main characters. It’s the director’s and actor’s job to establish that relationship quickly so that we don’t get bored.
Some even have a need to develop a relationship with a pet. It can be a perfect way to teach relationship lessons to children. You have to be kind, willing to meet the other’s needs, etc…If you don’t have a relationship with a person, a pet can turn out to be your very best friend!
We seem to have this desire, urge or intention to connect with someone (or some animal). Where does it come from? Is it simply an inclination like an instinct that animals have to gather food for survival?
I don’t think it’s an instinct. I think it comes from our Father. Not the dad who raised you. You know…our Father “upstairs.” He said that it wasn’t good for man (males and females) to be alone. The more I have thought about it…it’s not good to be alone. We all want someone to be kind to us…to give us a friendly smile…a warm handshake…a knowing pat-on-the-back or rub-across-the-shoulders…a hug…an embrace. He wants us to have a relationship with Him also.
I’ll be the first one to tell you that I’m not “perfect” in this area. It seems the closer I am in my relationship to my Father, the easier it is for me to reach out to others. More and more I’ve been trying to practice engaging people in conversations who really don’t expect me to do it. You know… like the grocery store cashiers, the baggers, the discount store checkout people, the garbage collectors, etc… When I make eye contact and ask them how their day is going (I mean sincerely ask them this), I usually get a positive look back and a smile. You just never know…you may have been the only person that said something sincere to them that day. It makes a difference. It’s at least worth a try, don’t you think?
A Message From Mike
When a new employee is hired, I always ask them two questions about our offices. One of them is the picture at the end of the first hallway they take to their office. I ask them if they noticed what the picture is.
It’s a picture of the downtown skyline of the city of Cleveland – our city. Cleveland is perennially in the top five of the poorest major cities in the United States. I tell them that we are here to help the people in this great city of ours, especially our most vulnerable citizens – Greater Cleveland’s children.
I then ask if they remember the sayings that are printed on four small, framed, wall- hangings as they go to their office. After I hear, “No,” I talk to them for a “cheesy” moment or two about those sayings. (When you’re an Executive Director, you get to do this sort of thing. After all, it’s what I believe in.)
The signs and their meanings are:
Sign #1: YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON.
There is no mistake. Circumstances in their lives brought them to this agency, at this particular season of their life, at this particular crossroad in their walk through life. OFY is a stop along the path of their journey and it is not an accident.
Sign#2: YOU ARE HERE TO SERVE.
Not tennis balls…not dinner…service to other people. OFY is a place where we care what happens to children, teens, and adults, and we try to help in a way that shows we sincerely care. I’d like it to show up in the eyes of our staff as they listen to what’s going on in the lives of those we’re helping.
Sign#3: DON’T UNDERESTIMATE YOUR IMPACT ON OTHERS.
No matter how short or how long a time we are connected to a person we are trying to serve, it matters. We want to leave an imprint that is positive on that person. This is easy for veteran staff to forget or discount as we get “hardened” by the job over time. We all need reminders of this.
Sign #4: IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!
It’s about those people out in the community. As human beings we always tend toward selfishness. Everyone does. Sometimes our true motives for why we do something are about satisfying our desires. We need reminders that it’s about other people!
OK…time to step down off the soap box and get to work. See you later.
